Hello Lovely People!
How are you all doing? Good I do so hope.
As for myself, I've kind of lost my Bloggy mojo. I had no idea what to share today and so I just started writing some thoughts down. Mainly along the Project Gratitude line... plus the lovely Amy's linky Five on Friday party gave me some structure. I'm going to use archived photos too just to ease me back in to the process.
I really felt I had nothing to share or anything interesting to say. Perhaps I don't... but I've come back to write this intro to collate these thoughts all together and I'm glad I have created this post. So, thank you for stopping by. Normal jolly service will resume I'm sure. In the meantime, here are some things I've given thanks for this past few days:
# 1 ~ Family Firsts
Well, half term absolutely flew by. We had a fab time staying away with friends and family for the first few days. Then we spent a few days in London doing all the touristy things with the children for the first time, which they completely LoVED. I will write a separate post about this as a journal of this Family First. It was also the first time I've done London in a wheelchair and needless to say it was very, very challenging. A great experience for the children and I am completely delighted to have shared it with them... But my goodness it was hard.
Please don't ever underestimate the wonder of legs that work and the joy of movement without pain.
# 2 ~ My Mum
My mum came to stay on Sunday for this past week. She instinctively helps with so many of the everyday things, getting breakfast, the school runs etc while I am confined to my bed. I am so very thankful for her love and support. Perhaps I am even more thankful for her relationship with my children. It is magical and born from helping me and my children long term as occasionally I've had to divert energy in order to overcome physical challenges. Hours of care, play, love and reassuringly 'being' have made their mark on their hearts.
She has her own health issues but is a generous soul who will help whenever she can. A day does not pass where I do not feel enormously grateful for her impact on our life.
# 3 ~ A Lucky Escape
As we drove up through the Gorge, we found him by the side of the road... as our eyes met, I knew more had happened than a simple puncture. He had not wanted to worry me over the phone but had underestimated a sharp bend in the road and crashed (and come off) his bike. Having missed the bend he shot over the the other side of the road and way up onto the verge of a parking area. Either a car coming the opposite way, or cars parked in the layby would have led to more serious injury. He was clearly rattled over an hour after it had happened and even though masking it from the children... I knew immediately we were fortunate that he was not seriously physically hurt. It was a wake up call for us both. Myself for my fuss at a 'puncture' and him as a speed warning. I am so thankful that we have these lessons reaffirmed and our eyes refocused on what matters most.
# 4 ~ Medicine
On Tuesday I saw the Rheumatologist again, had a whole number of additional tests and have started another course of steroids (not in the photo which is of my normal routine nightly meds). Relief from my inflammatory flare and lack of pacing will come in a couple weeks if this follows the pattern of previous flares. So thankful for this medication and the hope that the Doctors have in trying to manage my symptoms more effectively in future. Hope is powerful in itself.
# 5 ~ Journalling
Thankful that I have different options to brain dump! Due to the trauma of my original accident, my central nervous system is highly sensitized. It is ill and this affects so many things; messages to my body from my brain are confused, during flares my brain function is very slow and my clarity of thought is not at it's best. I have a journal recording my health daily as a tool in managing symptoms. I have many different options for putting thoughts and ideas down and I am especially happy to have this space to reflect on. To record them seems to make sense of it all in my mind and enables me to reassess the importance of some things and the insignificance of others.
I am quite an introverted, reflective personality and since my accident this trait has become more extreme. I am aware that I have gone into myself this week. Into survival mode - just getting through. I can get anxious leaving the house. I try to force myself though as otherwise the barriers increase and I'd become increasingly isolated if I didn't make the extra effort.
I hadn't wanted to blog today. I haven't written a post for a while and I was beginning to feel that if I didn't write soon, I may have lost my voice. I expect this is simply an example of the mental place I'm in. But I'm glad I have written this. It has calmed my mind and helped me process some negative thinking and on reflection, writing has highlighted the need to value these challenges... providing perspective and changing the way I look at events.
Whilst this isn't perhaps the happiest post I have ever written it does bring contentment to recognise and give thanks for the everyday moments in life - not just the perfect bits. I've struggled through a painful and physically hard week but I am still grateful. The weekend is here and relief shall come.
Increasingly, I realise that happiness does not come from having or always being happy. For me it can come as the storm clouds pass and the first glimmer of sun breaks through. This is the metaphor for my happy moments these past two weeks. Nothing life changing or particularly eventful. For now, I'm resting my body and have a new peace of mind.